I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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