Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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