Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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