his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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