The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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