Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
