Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
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Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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