Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
