community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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