She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
