I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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