Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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