He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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