you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
