i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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