Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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