Yo dont text me then not text me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
