Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
