you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
