you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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