I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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