It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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