He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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