dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
