that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
