dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
