Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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