Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
