so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
