My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
