Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
