A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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