respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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