the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
