exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
