did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
