it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
