i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
