I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
