My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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