So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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