Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
