So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
