if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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