I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
