There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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