Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
