The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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