Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
