I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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