Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
