On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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