At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
