Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
