She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
