Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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