Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
