I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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