What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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