She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
