I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
