I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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