This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
