Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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