Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
