babies were throwing up all over the place
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do herpes really smell.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
