I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
