He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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